Tuesday, 29 September 2015

This is where I get stuck

Okay, this is perhaps one of several places where I get stuck, but for right now, this is the sticking point (and no, I don't mean that in the Shakespearean sense, nor do I know what that means... "Screw your courage to the sticking point..." whatever dude).

Ah, nothing like an AD/HD opening sentence.

So where was I? Stuck.

Oh yeah. I came home 30 minutes ago. I had almost two hours of uninterrupted time ahead of me. Now I'm have 30 minutes less time, and I still haven't decided what to do. WHAT TO DO! WHAT TO DOOOO???????? This is not, obviously (for anyone with AD/HD), due to a lack of things to do. This is due to a glut of already overdue things to do.

Shall I fold laundry/wash laundry/start supper/work on that project/make my bed/clean my closet/pay that bill (probably)/start using a daily appointment book/make a to do list/or even, yes, clean my office and do my filing so that I can, yes, file my taxes, which were due six months ago. Or finish cleaning out my kitchen cupboards. Read and do the mental health exercises I've received.

Screw it. Filing for the win. It's so discouraging because I can't finish it in a day, but I do still have an uninterrupted hour so let's see how much I can do in an hour.

Thursday, 17 September 2015

I know it... so don't blow it.

I keep remaking the same mistakes. 
Is a mistake a lesson if you make it again? How many lessons does one person need? In the interest of not continuing to beat myself up (maybe I am learning something), I'm not going to answer that question. Oh, alright brain, you can't help it, can you? "A lot."  "Too many."  Got it. That'll do. 

Where was I?

Oh, yes. A list of lessons learned. Some things that I know, so I can stop trying. Please, stop. The result is not going to change. 

1. Caffeine makes me feel miserable with my medications. 

If I take the medications alone, no obvious side effects, at least at my current ineffectively tiny dose of AD/HD Rx. 

If I have caffeine, however, even the small amount in a small Steeped Tea, I'll start to feel awful. Visibly shaky. No matter how much you want it, self, just say no to caffeine. It's a choice: medication or a little cup of tea. You know that the medications help, more than the tea, so ditch the tea and stick with the meds. It's okay. You can do this. A caffeine-free existence is totally fine. It's even simple: no caffeine, ever. (Well, except in chocolate.) 

Thus: Life rule no. 1: I don't drink caffeinated beverages. Ever. 

Okay. Good. Going cold turkey on caffeinated beverages. I guess this empty cup to my right was my last Steeped Tea ever. Well that sucks. And the final sip was... cold and bitter. Seems about right.

2. ....2. What the hell was two?

Man, these jitters are BAD. (See 1., above.) I'm shaking so badly that it's hard to type. I'm eating some lunch in the hope that it helps, but seeing as I had breakfast at the same time as the tea, I'm not optimistic. Remember this feeling, self, and just say no to caffeine.

Being the stubborn person that I am, I keep thinking, "but maybe it's just tea that's the problem. Maybe it's just this brand of tea. Maybe coffee, at least, is okay." Not bloody likely. Besides, decaf coffee is perfectly fine and widely available. 

The tea, in any event, in combination with my meds, is NOT OKAY. See Life rule no. 1, above, and keep repeating it whenever the temptation saunters by. "I don't drink caffeinated beverages. Ever."
"I don't drink caffeinated beverages. Ever." 
"I don't drink caffeinated beverages. Ever." 
Once more for good measure: "I don't drink caffeinated beverages. Ever." No, I don't. Not anymore. 

...so what was no. 2? Oh yeah... 

2. Forget about electronic organizers {a.k.a. demons}, and embrace a paper organizer {a.k.a. a loving God}. 

Every time I try a new app that's supposedly the saviour of us AD/HD "types" (for lack of a better term, because we're certainly not "patients" and there isn't even agreement that we're "sufferers"... and yes I should've just said "those with AD/HD" or something like that... How can this not be suffering?!), it doesn't save me. (It, being the highly-rated organizational app de jour.) The would-be saviour app doesn't even help me. It just distracts me, and drags me down a little farther, delays my recovery (or rather, my development) a little more. So, self, remember that. Just say no to electronic calendars, to-do lists, and their ilk. Stick with paper. Maybe even a to-do list made in Word and printed on paper. But nothing on-line, because inserting a checkmark symbol is not the same, and you've never (rarely?) been distracted by picking up a pencil. (Note to Apple: You can keep your iPencil to yourself.) 

Life rule no. 2: Calendars and to-do lists on paper, only. 

And on a related but less black-and-white note...

3. For the love of all that is good in your life, stay off the internet. 

Perhaps I should needlepoint that onto a throw cushion. (That's a joke. I have no time for needlepoint, although I'm sure that needlepointing was a superior past-time, very possibly due for a revival. There it is: I'll give up Facebook for needlepoint. I'll send autobiographical cushions to my distant loved ones by snail mail, once per year. Yes, I know, that could catch on. Don't steal my idea. I see you there. Please.)

Needlepoint or not, I could seriously use a nice, big sign to this effect. 

Life rule no. 3: For the love of all that is good in your life, stay off the internet, most of the time. 

4. You, and everyone else in the world, can only do one thing at a time. 

It's true, and I'm not going to waste this time arguing about it. 
Life rule no. 4: You can only do one thing at a time.

5. There are only 24 hours in every day.

...and no matter how much I wish that I could stop time and steal a little more, I can't, and neither can you. Even Facebook and Pinterest don't have that power. Really. It's just sad and even, well, delusional, to hope otherwise. I know. It really is, though. Yeah. Milk chocolate, maybe? Just a little? 

Life rule no. 5: There are only 24 hours in every day. And it's okay.