Monday, 21 November 2016

One step at a time

I'm overwhelmed. Simple questions rush through my brain, unanswered. 
Is it better to keep a to-do list in the same notebook as my (recent) journal or separate?
Should I use Excel to make myself a daily checklist, or should the first scrap of paper I see suffice?
Should I spend time making my husband a birthday gift, or just catch up on and put away all the laundry, for once?
Should I tackle some laundry, try to declutter, or put on my coat and go get food for supper? I have no desire to leave my home or enter a store. 
My kitchen is littered with the debris from last night's homework. 
I'm cold. 
I guess I'm kind of a whiner. I'm not here to whine though. I'm here... to begin. 
I'm here to take one step, then another, with the hope that enough little steps will add up to a journey to somewhere... less sad. 
Every day there's a flow. Things to do. Things get done. Needless to say, I'm really behind. Yet, if I can do one more thing, then I am making progress. Sometimes the best I can do is to eliminate tasks. Christmas cards, for example, are not on my radar, except for a vague sense of guilt on the horizon. 

Okay, let's regroup. Let's pull it together. 

This very day, what's ahead. (In no order.)
- School pickup. 
- Homework.
- Groceries. 
- Supper. 
- Bedtime. 
- Activity drop-off and pickup. 
Those are the essentials, though often enough groceries and supper get passed off to another. 

Bigger picture, what is there? 
- Start a to do list.
- Make a daily check list. 

What else today?
- Plant the bulbs; there's snow in the forecast.
- Find my gloves. 
- Moisturize. 
- Feed the sourdough starter I got yesterday (like I need another responsibility). 

What else soon?
- Pay the bills.
- Do the laundry.
- A birthday present.

I feel so down. A week ago I felt optimistic. What's going on? 

Make a plan. Today I will:
- No. I'm stuck. It all seems too hard. You can do it. Make it easy. 
- OK.
- Easy supper: there's chicken in the freezer. make rice. buy some vegetables. 
- Cook it before pickup, so it's ready when he's hungry. 
- Maybe some caffeine before pickup, and hope that it helps.
- Make the bed, but don't wash it. No energy for that. 
- Wash some clothes, bring some up for the morning. 
- Feed the damn starter. Or just throw it out. 

How did this happen? I felt hopeful last week. It's nothing new. I just tend to avoid it.

- Grocery list: Milk, peppers, 

I need to lie down.

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